A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says," I clocked you at
80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your
radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you
know that this car doesn't have cruise control"
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector
went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit,
the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman,
can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat
belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when
you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat
belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to
his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to
you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Italian Boys Confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last
Confession, here is my sin: I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may
as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4
months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?" "4 months vacation and five good leads."
~Sarah~
